Try

**a post from the mom

I've been fostering for several years now.
Some people think the hardest part is seeing kittens and momma cats go back to the rescue to get adopted.

Actually, the hardest part is when they don't survive.

Monroe passed away during the day on Tuesday.
I found him when I got home from work. 

While I will never know for sure what happened, it was most likely just failure to thrive. He seemed to get better along with the entire group after everyone was sick about 3 weeks ago (except Russell - that boy has the constitution of a brick wall), but he never seemed to get bigger or put on as much weight as everyone else since then. I was going to call Monday to get him in to the vet but didn't get the appointment made. Honestly, I don't think it would have made much difference.

                      

                 Monroe with his ninja bodyguards

Monroe and his momma

Of course, when something like this happens, you start playing the "what if?" game in your head. I have learned over time that I can't let myself do that. I would go nuts....or quit. Second guessing every decision I have made with him and this group doesn't change anything.

It doesn't change the fact that I was so certain 3 weeks ago that one of the girls wasn't going to survive the night. It doesn't change the fact that Monroe didn't make it. It doesn't really change how I raise these kittens or kittens in the future....despite everything, I did what I could. Sometimes it just isn't meant to be. That is hard to accept, but volunteering in rescue, especially with a group that primarily deals with stray cats and ferals, you have to learn to accept your limitations. These momma cats aren't pampered house pets that are getting the best care and food before they have kittens. Most are struggling just to survive. This time of year, stray moms can be on a second litter of kittens which further depletes their systems. And honestly, even if Marilyn had been getting the best care, there is no guarantee that Monroe would have survived.

So what do you do?? Give up....keep going....

I know the best tribute I can give to Monroe and any kitten that hasn't survived is to keep trying. There will be kittens that continue to need care, and I will continue to learn as I go along. I will succeed and I will fail. But I can't just give up. Someone once told me that if you stop caring about every loss, you need to find something else to do with your time. I truly believe that.

My heart may continue to be broken, but I won't give up. Safe journey Monroe. You were very loved.

I promise that I will continue to try.

(and no comments from the Star Wars fans out there....after Tuesday, Yoda can bite me - LOL)